All over one Slice

Today I had my highly anticipated interview with a large pharmaceutical.It really took every ounce of me to show up... and smile... and speak of things that really did not resonate with me in that moment. The night before I had been up late corresponding with friends, family and colleagues trying to find ways to provide aid to Haiti. Not being able to physically help is something many people not just Haitians,all over the country are wrestling with. We can donate money, but for us, this is not enough. The crisis in Haiti is like a steel wall. I am leaning against it, I have my feet firmly planted and I am pushing and pushing with every ounce of strength in me but its not even threatening to give. It doesnt even know that I am there. What a menacing Goliath this crisis is. We have no choice but to put it in God's hands. During the interview I had to fight to focus on every conversation I had. Haiti was calling me and I had to shake my head and quiet her cries. Not now my darling. My only objective today was to get this job SO THAT I could help Haiti. My "nothing else matters" stance will only get me so far. It will not help my people only makes matters worse or keep them the same. And the same just wont do.
Tonight,like many, we decided to turn off the tv and get out with our children. We made it to Chuck-E-Cheese. We wandered around behind our kids like most parents. I witnessed some kids having melt downs and "falling out" and crossed paths with a pretty young woman and her daughter. Our 1 year old "fell out" right at her feet. I apologized and we both smiled about it and parted ways. The next time I saw her and her daughter she was sitting in a booth with a large pizza pie. Half pepperoni and half cheese. I noticed because, sincerely, it was a lot of pizza for just two people. I ended up in front of her table while she ate and she looked up and me and asked. "Would you like some pizza?" Embarrassed and surprised I said no. Was she asking me cuz I looked like I wanted her pizza? Was I staring at her pizza without knowing? She offered just as we had finished putting on our jackets and were starting out the door. If you've been to Chuck-E-Cheese you know that on your way out there is a security check point of sorts. Well, we had already walked through that point and were heading out the main door when I decided I had to go back and see what that pizza offer was all about. I turned back with my 3 year old and went back into the play area. We walked back to her table. When we arrived. She offered me pizza again! I guess she must have thought I changed my mind! I again declined but told her that her offer for pizza seemed so sincere I wanted to share something with her. I invited her to come to church. My next question was. "Are you Haitian?" and her response.... "Yes". I knew it! I knew there was something to it. She looked so sad and so forlorn. I bet if if someone tried to rob her she would have just handed over her bag without a care. Like she had nothing left any way. I could see it in her eyes and her demeanor. She was spent. We talked for a while and exchanged stories of those we had lost or were still hoping to hear from. She was not as lucky as I was. She had not heard from anyone yet and the majority of her family is still in Haiti. We met as two moms in Chuck-E-Cheese but we parted as sisters and friends. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and a firm hug. She is one in many struggling to make sense of it all. Alone with just her child in this country; while her family is living...or dying amidst the scenes of a nightmare. All over one slice of pizza. I'm so glad that I decided to turn back.
I thought about my father's younger brother who died. Vil-Franche. I thought, will he be buried in a mass grave? Someone loved these people once. Someone loved my uncle. What will become of him and so many others? If you know me well, you know I often spend many a night wrestling with my thoughts. By design, I absorb the emotions of others. The joy of others,and the despair of others. The pain of others becomes my pain. Sometimes to a fault. I dont know know where to draw the line. I dont know HOW to draw the line really. I know for certain this ordeal, this monster of a crisis is forcing me to find new purpose, create new goals, dust off some old dreams and desires and set a new course. It's funny because when the year begain just 14 days ago...I felt so dull. So blah. Now I am awakened. My fingers and toes are tingling. I feel stronger and sharper. "With my God I can scale a wall".
Understand however, when all is said and done, no matter how many have been found we (the Haitian people) will ALL most certainly have suffered some type of loss. This is just the law of statistics. Basic math. It is a tough reality.