Dear _______
....I read your email and now I feel a bit overwhelmed. It looks like I will leaving on Monday or Tuesday for Haiti for medical relief. I am not a doctor or in any healthcare field. I am going as a translator. I am leaving my husband and my daughters behind to do this. I really cant put in my mind that change isnt coming or that the haitian people will not be grateful for my sacrifice to come and be with them instead. I cant go there with this in my heart or else the time, the effort the sacrifice is all in vain. We have to believe that Change is coming. All the eyes of the world are on Haiti right now. Not just here in the "new Haiti Project". May God bless our efforts but I believe there are many new haiti projects all over the world. people are putting their heads together to make a difference. Maybe this time it will stick.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
For such a time as this...
On Friday,I started the day as I always do; trying to get another ounce of sleep. Lately it’s been hard to get up out of bed. I took the baby from her crib after she woke up. Instead of getting the day going I brought her back to my bed so that we could sleep together for even just a few more minutes. When she got too fidgety to keep in bed; I get up and log into my computer to see what is going on in Haiti and find out if anyone has gotten back to me about anything. While I'm checking, I'm making a lasagna. It's time I cook a decent meal. It has been a while of tuna fish sandwiches and frankly I can’t remember what for the past couple of days. I take some time to make some phone calls, to clean,to take a shower. I come back to check my emails and there it is.
Subject line: Trip to Haiti
From: My dear friend, a Haitian physician
I didn’t have to open it to know what it was about. But I did read it and the email said.
"I was just contacted about an upcoming volunteer trip to Haiti for medical relief. The first flight leaves tomorrow 1/23/2010 and the next will leave in about 1-2 weeks. Please let me know if you would be interested in going as a
Physician, nurse or translator. I need to provide your name, contact number, your role and how long you can stay ASAP. If you are interested in going please visit your physician for travel vaccines(Hep. B, Hep. A, Typhoid, Malaria, Meningitis, Tetanus, flu, H1N1). You will also need a recent passport."
It only took a second for me to hit REPLY with my Name, Phone numbers, email and a short message that said nothing more than "Passport Valid until 2015". Then I just stood there. I sent it off and stood there. It's important to me that you know that I am not reckless woman. I have been known to walk away from many a sale to give myself time to evaluate spending the money or not. Many hear the excitement and enthusiasm in my voice and I can see them getting nervous. They often don't see what takes place behind the scenes. Please understand; I DO NOTHING without weighing, not just the pro's and con's, but everything in between. Ask my husband. It can be very draining. I and my husband have been praying about this moment together since we learned about the earthquake. What we were waiting for was not the IF but the HOW. We both knew that my heart was to go. There was never any question. What we didn’t know was WHO I was going with and HOW I was going to get there. Almost as soon as I pressed send my husband had gotten up from a nap he was taking. (He works over night as a truck driver for a major wholesale warehouse.) I couldn’t speak with him right away. I just took him by the hand and sat him down. I was bursting at the seams. I sat him down and I told him that I had been contacted about a trip to Haiti and that I wanted to go. Right then and there, I had his full blessing to go. Any hesitation, a boo, and I would not have the strength or courage to go. His love and his support mean so much to me. They are a reminder of how big God is. How powerful God is. In this time of extreme uncertainty the fact that he feels comfortable with me going to help my people. I am truly blessed.
In the same day, as if that were not enough, I reached out to some friends to say why don’t we "put our heads together" and see what we can come up with. I have some resources sitting in my inbox that maybe we can turn into something. A group of influential Haitians were already getting together for a meeting and now I was invited to give my input and offer my ideas. Is this really happening? I felt like I had made it to home base. I felt that in that moment I was where I was supposed to be. Doing what I should be doing.
Last year, I partook in an exercise where I filled out a worksheet to determine what my goals were. A mission statement, if you will. At first, I thought the exercise was futile and a waste of time. I couldn’t sit still long enough to do anything with it. I finally finished with help and encouragement from many friends. The common thread we found was that my joy and strengths were bringing people together. As the heartbreaking details of Haiti continue to unfold, my thoughts go right away to the book of Esther 4:14,
"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews (Haitians) will arise from another place... And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
Such a time as THIS...I couldn’t escape the idea that God was calling me to use what he has given me to make a difference. It fit and made sense.
Words cannot express what seeing the Hope for Haiti telethon on EVERY MAJOR television station meant to me tonight...If any were still in the dark about the gravity of the situation in Haiti, they are no more.
I spent the rest of the day refreshing my inbox to see what came of my REPLY. I checked and checked until I saw the email. It was the same subject and from the same person. This time, it was not an inquiry. It was statement. A statement to those in charge saying: My team will consist of Translator Katty Velez and blah blah blah after that. I don’t remember. I had to go back and read it again and again. What I do remember is that almost immediately, my whole body reacted to the news. I started to tremble and I started to shake. I would be lying if I said I werent afraid and a bit nervous. When I saw the telethon on every station, I sat and wiped streams of tears from my face. I thought, the world gets it. It was an affirmation and thumbs up to me that I wasn’t crazy or foolish or reckless.
In a week or two I WILL be on my way to Haiti. I don’t say this in a bragging way. It’s in a remarkable way. Like I won't believe it until I am there. I will most likely cry all the way there, the whole time there and all the way back and I will more than likely want to go back there once I return. My focus alongside translating is to encourage those I come in contact with and offer a reminder TO HOPE.
I pray to God and I thank JESUS Christ if I get to go. Please pray for the details leading up to and during this trip. Pray for us to be successful in saving some and for the safe return of me and my team.
Subject line: Trip to Haiti
From: My dear friend, a Haitian physician
I didn’t have to open it to know what it was about. But I did read it and the email said.
"I was just contacted about an upcoming volunteer trip to Haiti for medical relief. The first flight leaves tomorrow 1/23/2010 and the next will leave in about 1-2 weeks. Please let me know if you would be interested in going as a
Physician, nurse or translator. I need to provide your name, contact number, your role and how long you can stay ASAP. If you are interested in going please visit your physician for travel vaccines(Hep. B, Hep. A, Typhoid, Malaria, Meningitis, Tetanus, flu, H1N1). You will also need a recent passport."
It only took a second for me to hit REPLY with my Name, Phone numbers, email and a short message that said nothing more than "Passport Valid until 2015". Then I just stood there. I sent it off and stood there. It's important to me that you know that I am not reckless woman. I have been known to walk away from many a sale to give myself time to evaluate spending the money or not. Many hear the excitement and enthusiasm in my voice and I can see them getting nervous. They often don't see what takes place behind the scenes. Please understand; I DO NOTHING without weighing, not just the pro's and con's, but everything in between. Ask my husband. It can be very draining. I and my husband have been praying about this moment together since we learned about the earthquake. What we were waiting for was not the IF but the HOW. We both knew that my heart was to go. There was never any question. What we didn’t know was WHO I was going with and HOW I was going to get there. Almost as soon as I pressed send my husband had gotten up from a nap he was taking. (He works over night as a truck driver for a major wholesale warehouse.) I couldn’t speak with him right away. I just took him by the hand and sat him down. I was bursting at the seams. I sat him down and I told him that I had been contacted about a trip to Haiti and that I wanted to go. Right then and there, I had his full blessing to go. Any hesitation, a boo, and I would not have the strength or courage to go. His love and his support mean so much to me. They are a reminder of how big God is. How powerful God is. In this time of extreme uncertainty the fact that he feels comfortable with me going to help my people. I am truly blessed.
In the same day, as if that were not enough, I reached out to some friends to say why don’t we "put our heads together" and see what we can come up with. I have some resources sitting in my inbox that maybe we can turn into something. A group of influential Haitians were already getting together for a meeting and now I was invited to give my input and offer my ideas. Is this really happening? I felt like I had made it to home base. I felt that in that moment I was where I was supposed to be. Doing what I should be doing.
Last year, I partook in an exercise where I filled out a worksheet to determine what my goals were. A mission statement, if you will. At first, I thought the exercise was futile and a waste of time. I couldn’t sit still long enough to do anything with it. I finally finished with help and encouragement from many friends. The common thread we found was that my joy and strengths were bringing people together. As the heartbreaking details of Haiti continue to unfold, my thoughts go right away to the book of Esther 4:14,
"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews (Haitians) will arise from another place... And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
Such a time as THIS...I couldn’t escape the idea that God was calling me to use what he has given me to make a difference. It fit and made sense.
Words cannot express what seeing the Hope for Haiti telethon on EVERY MAJOR television station meant to me tonight...If any were still in the dark about the gravity of the situation in Haiti, they are no more.
I spent the rest of the day refreshing my inbox to see what came of my REPLY. I checked and checked until I saw the email. It was the same subject and from the same person. This time, it was not an inquiry. It was statement. A statement to those in charge saying: My team will consist of Translator Katty Velez and blah blah blah after that. I don’t remember. I had to go back and read it again and again. What I do remember is that almost immediately, my whole body reacted to the news. I started to tremble and I started to shake. I would be lying if I said I werent afraid and a bit nervous. When I saw the telethon on every station, I sat and wiped streams of tears from my face. I thought, the world gets it. It was an affirmation and thumbs up to me that I wasn’t crazy or foolish or reckless.
In a week or two I WILL be on my way to Haiti. I don’t say this in a bragging way. It’s in a remarkable way. Like I won't believe it until I am there. I will most likely cry all the way there, the whole time there and all the way back and I will more than likely want to go back there once I return. My focus alongside translating is to encourage those I come in contact with and offer a reminder TO HOPE.
I pray to God and I thank JESUS Christ if I get to go. Please pray for the details leading up to and during this trip. Pray for us to be successful in saving some and for the safe return of me and my team.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
We need a History Lesson
This is an email from my cousin. No edits have been made
*****
For the past few months I have been entrenched in settlement negotiations with a plaintiff counsel on a serious medical malpractice matter. In the process of our telephone exchanges he and I have cultivated a pleasant professional relationship premised on mutual respect. Yesterday morning we transgressed from discussing the case and started to discuss the devastation caused by the earthquake. At some point I mentioned I was Haitian, and then there was a deafening silence on the other line. When he broke the awkward silence, he said, “Your parents must be proud that you were able to make something of yourself”. Now it was my turn to return the awkward, deafening silence.
When we agreed we reached another impasse in our negotiations, I sat back to reflect on the conversation. Once again I was reminded how people have little understanding of my rich heritage and culture. We stand on the shoulders of our ancestors: Arawak Indians; slaves from Benin; Europeans settlers and free Haitians. We inherited the spirituality of our Indian, African and European ancestors. We are born to thirst knowledge. We are born with a sincere desire to help those in need. As with so many Haitians, Haitian-Americans, Haitian-Europeans, Haitian-Africans, Haitian-Latinos, Haitian-Chinese and the like, we are destined to make something of ourselves. It is in our genes to be the best that we can be.
In today’s issue of the New York Times there is a letter in response to a NY Times article, which gives a historical perspective on the problems of Haiti. I ask you to read the article and to share it with your friends and family. Please help me to educate those who do not understand Haiti and Haitians.
I look forward to my next telephone conversation with this plaintiff counsel. I will tell him the day I was born my parents were proud of me. They already knew I was going to make something of myself. After all, I am a descendent of Arawak Indians, slaves from Benin, Europeans settlers, free Haitians, the great granddaughter of French Aristocracy, the granddaughter of a Judge and Entrepreneur; the daughter of an Educator/Entrepreneur. I am the daughter of loving, nurturing and supportive parents who constantly reminded my siblings and I to walk with dignity and pride in our rich Haitian heritage. They were confident that even though we were forced to leave our homeland and start over in a new country their children would continue to make something of themselves. And this legacy will continue in the next generation and the generation that follows and so on.
Thank you for your continued support and prayers.
*****
For the past few months I have been entrenched in settlement negotiations with a plaintiff counsel on a serious medical malpractice matter. In the process of our telephone exchanges he and I have cultivated a pleasant professional relationship premised on mutual respect. Yesterday morning we transgressed from discussing the case and started to discuss the devastation caused by the earthquake. At some point I mentioned I was Haitian, and then there was a deafening silence on the other line. When he broke the awkward silence, he said, “Your parents must be proud that you were able to make something of yourself”. Now it was my turn to return the awkward, deafening silence.
When we agreed we reached another impasse in our negotiations, I sat back to reflect on the conversation. Once again I was reminded how people have little understanding of my rich heritage and culture. We stand on the shoulders of our ancestors: Arawak Indians; slaves from Benin; Europeans settlers and free Haitians. We inherited the spirituality of our Indian, African and European ancestors. We are born to thirst knowledge. We are born with a sincere desire to help those in need. As with so many Haitians, Haitian-Americans, Haitian-Europeans, Haitian-Africans, Haitian-Latinos, Haitian-Chinese and the like, we are destined to make something of ourselves. It is in our genes to be the best that we can be.
In today’s issue of the New York Times there is a letter in response to a NY Times article, which gives a historical perspective on the problems of Haiti. I ask you to read the article and to share it with your friends and family. Please help me to educate those who do not understand Haiti and Haitians.
I look forward to my next telephone conversation with this plaintiff counsel. I will tell him the day I was born my parents were proud of me. They already knew I was going to make something of myself. After all, I am a descendent of Arawak Indians, slaves from Benin, Europeans settlers, free Haitians, the great granddaughter of French Aristocracy, the granddaughter of a Judge and Entrepreneur; the daughter of an Educator/Entrepreneur. I am the daughter of loving, nurturing and supportive parents who constantly reminded my siblings and I to walk with dignity and pride in our rich Haitian heritage. They were confident that even though we were forced to leave our homeland and start over in a new country their children would continue to make something of themselves. And this legacy will continue in the next generation and the generation that follows and so on.
Thank you for your continued support and prayers.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Waiting for a New Day
You know what never gets old for me? It’s when I have an idea and I hear someone on the television voice my thoughts. It somehow validates that what I am thinking is not entirely insane. Now I know you are asking... Do I believe everything I see on TV??...of course not! I've only sent in one envelope of gold chains! Lol. But seriously. Many are alluding to a day when the cameras in Haiti will be turned off and the story will be focused elsewhere. I know I mentioned this concern on the day after the earthquake and caught fire for saying it but it needs to be said. Once the world grows tired of the story, when they can’t bear to feel sad anymore, when they stop watching and the ratings go down...no matter how pertinent or necessary the coverage...the cameras will go elsewhere. This is what happens with any issue great or small.
This is what I'm getting at...Has this event changed YOUR LIFE at all? Has it changed your perspective on your life and the lives of others AT ALL? Or will this just become another story for you? I know Katrina was for me. I started out thinking..Oh my God...we have to open up our home and take in some refugees! The Tsunami...Oh my God those poor people, how awful! The earthquake in China...the same. Are these events meant to stir the human spirit? Are they here to cause us to act? Please stay with me...I am asking myself the same questions. This is not to guilt you out or make you feel bad for going out to dinner today or booking that vacation or buying that purse. I'm asking myself this question today. I am asking myself this question because I'm having a hard time "enjoying" my life, my days. I had it in mind to buy a new couch at the beginning of this year. Something I've been wanting to do since I bought my house back in 2005. Now it just doesn’t seem right. I had it in mind to promote the heck out my annual cruise for December...but how can I even ask people to put money towards that...they could use the money and donate it to Haiti. But when I looked around me and listened closely...to the "tweets", to the facebook statuses and the TV and the cafeteria chatter and the radio....I realize that the world was already moving on. The world never stopped moving and I was left somewhere in between. Stuck in the space the twilight zone occupies. Now I'm questioning WHY am I taking this so hard? People are already moved on in their hearts and going about their business. It's like president George W Bush said after 911...go and shop. Spend money. This will help the economy and show the terrorist that they didn’t break us! And you know what? Many of us did. It astounds me how short our attention spans can be and how shallow we are, and out of touch we are with what REALLY MATTERS.
Will I allow this event to change my life? It can. We can move our whole family to Haiti and start over with the people and help them to rebuild. We can say we will adopt some orphans and bring them into our family. We can keep giving money to our favorite organizations. We can do a host of things that will affect the events of today immediately or support the efforts of tomorrow. There were an estimated 40,000 Americans in Haiti BEFORE the earthquake! Some had businesses but most were there to help and had dedicated their lives to doing so. As you can see from my accounts I lean towards the extreme...ready to move to Haiti.
Please..Thoughts...just my thoughts...
Winter started out pretty harsh for us this season. Bitter cold cutting through our bones and chasing us indoors. It was then I understood how good the bears have it. They sleep though all of the bad part of winter and wake up when it’s nice and warm. I am like the bear today...in a hurry to get through the bad part and to the end of the story that is Haiti. In a hurry for some real good news. In a hurry for some solid and concrete ideas. Something that will make me stand up and clap my hands and cheer! I would like to sleep through this part and wake up when its better but how will that help my people today. I am waiting for the new day. I hope to be one of many that will help to make this possible. Maybe this will consist of the mass exodus from Port-au-prince that Wyclef Jean of Yele.Org is talking about. Maybe once everyone leaves the stench of death they can focus on the new day that God has in store for them. Maybe something worse is coming and this was the only way to save some. Maybe the new day lies in something else. Only God knows. I don’t envy him by the way, God. How painful must it be to know the good that is coming but have to watch the people suffer this way as the plan unfolds. I tell my friends and strangers dealing with this nightmare not to give in to despair. Once you have lost hope what else is there? I have hope. I remain optimistic even in my sadness. I know a new day awaits us all.
This is what I'm getting at...Has this event changed YOUR LIFE at all? Has it changed your perspective on your life and the lives of others AT ALL? Or will this just become another story for you? I know Katrina was for me. I started out thinking..Oh my God...we have to open up our home and take in some refugees! The Tsunami...Oh my God those poor people, how awful! The earthquake in China...the same. Are these events meant to stir the human spirit? Are they here to cause us to act? Please stay with me...I am asking myself the same questions. This is not to guilt you out or make you feel bad for going out to dinner today or booking that vacation or buying that purse. I'm asking myself this question today. I am asking myself this question because I'm having a hard time "enjoying" my life, my days. I had it in mind to buy a new couch at the beginning of this year. Something I've been wanting to do since I bought my house back in 2005. Now it just doesn’t seem right. I had it in mind to promote the heck out my annual cruise for December...but how can I even ask people to put money towards that...they could use the money and donate it to Haiti. But when I looked around me and listened closely...to the "tweets", to the facebook statuses and the TV and the cafeteria chatter and the radio....I realize that the world was already moving on. The world never stopped moving and I was left somewhere in between. Stuck in the space the twilight zone occupies. Now I'm questioning WHY am I taking this so hard? People are already moved on in their hearts and going about their business. It's like president George W Bush said after 911...go and shop. Spend money. This will help the economy and show the terrorist that they didn’t break us! And you know what? Many of us did. It astounds me how short our attention spans can be and how shallow we are, and out of touch we are with what REALLY MATTERS.
Will I allow this event to change my life? It can. We can move our whole family to Haiti and start over with the people and help them to rebuild. We can say we will adopt some orphans and bring them into our family. We can keep giving money to our favorite organizations. We can do a host of things that will affect the events of today immediately or support the efforts of tomorrow. There were an estimated 40,000 Americans in Haiti BEFORE the earthquake! Some had businesses but most were there to help and had dedicated their lives to doing so. As you can see from my accounts I lean towards the extreme...ready to move to Haiti.
Please..Thoughts...just my thoughts...
Winter started out pretty harsh for us this season. Bitter cold cutting through our bones and chasing us indoors. It was then I understood how good the bears have it. They sleep though all of the bad part of winter and wake up when it’s nice and warm. I am like the bear today...in a hurry to get through the bad part and to the end of the story that is Haiti. In a hurry for some real good news. In a hurry for some solid and concrete ideas. Something that will make me stand up and clap my hands and cheer! I would like to sleep through this part and wake up when its better but how will that help my people today. I am waiting for the new day. I hope to be one of many that will help to make this possible. Maybe this will consist of the mass exodus from Port-au-prince that Wyclef Jean of Yele.Org is talking about. Maybe once everyone leaves the stench of death they can focus on the new day that God has in store for them. Maybe something worse is coming and this was the only way to save some. Maybe the new day lies in something else. Only God knows. I don’t envy him by the way, God. How painful must it be to know the good that is coming but have to watch the people suffer this way as the plan unfolds. I tell my friends and strangers dealing with this nightmare not to give in to despair. Once you have lost hope what else is there? I have hope. I remain optimistic even in my sadness. I know a new day awaits us all.
Monday, January 18, 2010
God's clarity or my insanity?
I've been looking at my children a lot lately. I walk around in a fog. Contemplating. As someone put it...I am physically here in America but my heart and spirit are in Haiti. It is physically difficult to exist knowing that a part of me is not doing well. The bible says it the best...when one part suffers, all the other parts suffer with it. I know for some, we are dying inside. We are grief stricken, some depressed, others helpless, we are weak yet trying to be strong and faithful..looking for the silver lining and a time to catch our breath.
I look at my children. I am looking them over with different eyes. What are my children wearing? Why do they have so many clothes? They have more clothes than me. What are they saying? What are they talking about? What are they interested in? Are they too self centered? Do they watch too much television? Will they be compassionate people when they grow up? What matters in their little world right now? AND THEN I ask myself. Well, who needs me more? The people in Haiti or my own flesh and blood. I ask myself, at what price am I willing to go and help? I have heard stories..maybe fables?...tall tales I pray...of the earthquake...of volunteers being shot at and some killed. As I'm shaking my head in disbelief, my sadness and empathy turn to anger and disgust. Biting the hand that feeds you? Come on! But couldn’t this be me? Couldn’t I go into Haiti with my heart gushing, desperate to help and to encourage and end up medi-vac'd out or worse...dead?
I last went to Haiti more than 10 years ago. Even then, my friends and new acquaintances could tell that I was "not from around there". They would ask me where I was from and take turns guessing. They would say Guadeloupe? Martinique? Why you ask...because of my accent, the way I dressed, the way my skin looked and the texture of my hair, my feet, even the heels of my feet and the whites of my eyes! My whole demeanor, posture, all of it was a dead giveaway. They did not recognize me or accept me as one of their own. Another young university student in Haiti once asked why I came to Haiti. I told him that I came with my church as an intern. What he said in response to that I will never forget. He said, " You are Stooopeeed, You left der U-niiiiigh states to come to dees gabeeege Kontwee?" (you are stupid, you left the united states to come to this garbage country?!). I didn’t feel bad that he said that to me or the fact that I was there at all. I wondered though...do other Haitians feel this way? I know many are wondering why is Haiti the way that it is? Are we wasting money and resources on this "garbage country"? Some are like yes lets help but whoa, whoa, whoa...many years of help? That's not our problem.
So, here I am, mother of two toddlers 3 and 1. I am faced with a true dilemma. What IF I go to Haiti? I have friends who see how badly I want to go and they say, I am praying that you get to go. I have friends who are saying, I hope you get to go, Katty. And when I actually hear that people GET me and know how hot this desire burns on my heart...I AM AFRAID.
I look at my children with all of this in my heart. I say to myself, they have the world at their feet. They are beautiful, they are intelligent, they will have every opportunity available to them. The world will deny them nothing. What about the children in Haiti? What about the mothers in Haiti? What about the sons and the fathers who do love their country, who are proud to be Haitians, who are proud of the victory they had when they fought and WON for their freedom. It didn’t hit me till recently that the Haitian people have been FREE from slavery for the last 206 years (Jan 1,1804). 61 years (Dec 18,1865) longer than blacks in the America. This means an entire generation of Haitians were free before the first black slaves were free in America. It was because of the Haitian revolution that any talk of freedom could be had. It was because of Haiti and help from the Haitians that other nations fought for their freedom and won. I don’t know enough of my Caribbean/Haitian history to expound but I will be doing some homework and we can have a book report. The dates are solid though and the facts amazing.
In 1994, I was interviewed by a young couple to go on a mission team to Haiti. I was asked all types of questions about my background and my desire to go. My response to all the questions was this...If it is God's will for me to go, who am I to stand in his way? I never said yes to anything directly. When I left the interview and thought about the possibility of me NOT going, I called some friends. I knew they had direct influence on the results, and I made sure they knew that I wanted to go.Not going was not an option. The interviewers called me shortly thereafter and said they were surprised because they really couldn't read me. They wanted me on the team but weren’t going to invite me.Thank God I spoke up. I have that same sick feeling in my heart. I want to go. I need to go.
So why am I contemplating all this? If I "get to go", I may quite possibly be saying goodbye to my family and friend for the last time. Saying goodbye to my husband and children forever. If I return, I return to my country as foreigner,a guest,a traveler. Am I willing to die for my people? Why shouldn’t I be? Is it insane to want to? Should I leave that up to someone else? Another nation? If I and others won't...then who will...who should? This is a real question. Who decided when the Haitians would get their independence? Was it a plan or were they met with insurmountable odds and opportunity? I know there are individuals living the answer daily. I don’t yet have an answer.
I look at my children. I am looking them over with different eyes. What are my children wearing? Why do they have so many clothes? They have more clothes than me. What are they saying? What are they talking about? What are they interested in? Are they too self centered? Do they watch too much television? Will they be compassionate people when they grow up? What matters in their little world right now? AND THEN I ask myself. Well, who needs me more? The people in Haiti or my own flesh and blood. I ask myself, at what price am I willing to go and help? I have heard stories..maybe fables?...tall tales I pray...of the earthquake...of volunteers being shot at and some killed. As I'm shaking my head in disbelief, my sadness and empathy turn to anger and disgust. Biting the hand that feeds you? Come on! But couldn’t this be me? Couldn’t I go into Haiti with my heart gushing, desperate to help and to encourage and end up medi-vac'd out or worse...dead?
I last went to Haiti more than 10 years ago. Even then, my friends and new acquaintances could tell that I was "not from around there". They would ask me where I was from and take turns guessing. They would say Guadeloupe? Martinique? Why you ask...because of my accent, the way I dressed, the way my skin looked and the texture of my hair, my feet, even the heels of my feet and the whites of my eyes! My whole demeanor, posture, all of it was a dead giveaway. They did not recognize me or accept me as one of their own. Another young university student in Haiti once asked why I came to Haiti. I told him that I came with my church as an intern. What he said in response to that I will never forget. He said, " You are Stooopeeed, You left der U-niiiiigh states to come to dees gabeeege Kontwee?" (you are stupid, you left the united states to come to this garbage country?!). I didn’t feel bad that he said that to me or the fact that I was there at all. I wondered though...do other Haitians feel this way? I know many are wondering why is Haiti the way that it is? Are we wasting money and resources on this "garbage country"? Some are like yes lets help but whoa, whoa, whoa...many years of help? That's not our problem.
So, here I am, mother of two toddlers 3 and 1. I am faced with a true dilemma. What IF I go to Haiti? I have friends who see how badly I want to go and they say, I am praying that you get to go. I have friends who are saying, I hope you get to go, Katty. And when I actually hear that people GET me and know how hot this desire burns on my heart...I AM AFRAID.
I look at my children with all of this in my heart. I say to myself, they have the world at their feet. They are beautiful, they are intelligent, they will have every opportunity available to them. The world will deny them nothing. What about the children in Haiti? What about the mothers in Haiti? What about the sons and the fathers who do love their country, who are proud to be Haitians, who are proud of the victory they had when they fought and WON for their freedom. It didn’t hit me till recently that the Haitian people have been FREE from slavery for the last 206 years (Jan 1,1804). 61 years (Dec 18,1865) longer than blacks in the America. This means an entire generation of Haitians were free before the first black slaves were free in America. It was because of the Haitian revolution that any talk of freedom could be had. It was because of Haiti and help from the Haitians that other nations fought for their freedom and won. I don’t know enough of my Caribbean/Haitian history to expound but I will be doing some homework and we can have a book report. The dates are solid though and the facts amazing.
In 1994, I was interviewed by a young couple to go on a mission team to Haiti. I was asked all types of questions about my background and my desire to go. My response to all the questions was this...If it is God's will for me to go, who am I to stand in his way? I never said yes to anything directly. When I left the interview and thought about the possibility of me NOT going, I called some friends. I knew they had direct influence on the results, and I made sure they knew that I wanted to go.Not going was not an option. The interviewers called me shortly thereafter and said they were surprised because they really couldn't read me. They wanted me on the team but weren’t going to invite me.Thank God I spoke up. I have that same sick feeling in my heart. I want to go. I need to go.
So why am I contemplating all this? If I "get to go", I may quite possibly be saying goodbye to my family and friend for the last time. Saying goodbye to my husband and children forever. If I return, I return to my country as foreigner,a guest,a traveler. Am I willing to die for my people? Why shouldn’t I be? Is it insane to want to? Should I leave that up to someone else? Another nation? If I and others won't...then who will...who should? This is a real question. Who decided when the Haitians would get their independence? Was it a plan or were they met with insurmountable odds and opportunity? I know there are individuals living the answer daily. I don’t yet have an answer.
Friday, January 15, 2010
All over one Slice
Today I had my highly anticipated interview with a large pharmaceutical.It really took every ounce of me to show up... and smile... and speak of things that really did not resonate with me in that moment. The night before I had been up late corresponding with friends, family and colleagues trying to find ways to provide aid to Haiti. Not being able to physically help is something many people not just Haitians,all over the country are wrestling with. We can donate money, but for us, this is not enough. The crisis in Haiti is like a steel wall. I am leaning against it, I have my feet firmly planted and I am pushing and pushing with every ounce of strength in me but its not even threatening to give. It doesnt even know that I am there. What a menacing Goliath this crisis is. We have no choice but to put it in God's hands. During the interview I had to fight to focus on every conversation I had. Haiti was calling me and I had to shake my head and quiet her cries. Not now my darling. My only objective today was to get this job SO THAT I could help Haiti. My "nothing else matters" stance will only get me so far. It will not help my people only makes matters worse or keep them the same. And the same just wont do.
Tonight,like many, we decided to turn off the tv and get out with our children. We made it to Chuck-E-Cheese. We wandered around behind our kids like most parents. I witnessed some kids having melt downs and "falling out" and crossed paths with a pretty young woman and her daughter. Our 1 year old "fell out" right at her feet. I apologized and we both smiled about it and parted ways. The next time I saw her and her daughter she was sitting in a booth with a large pizza pie. Half pepperoni and half cheese. I noticed because, sincerely, it was a lot of pizza for just two people. I ended up in front of her table while she ate and she looked up and me and asked. "Would you like some pizza?" Embarrassed and surprised I said no. Was she asking me cuz I looked like I wanted her pizza? Was I staring at her pizza without knowing? She offered just as we had finished putting on our jackets and were starting out the door. If you've been to Chuck-E-Cheese you know that on your way out there is a security check point of sorts. Well, we had already walked through that point and were heading out the main door when I decided I had to go back and see what that pizza offer was all about. I turned back with my 3 year old and went back into the play area. We walked back to her table. When we arrived. She offered me pizza again! I guess she must have thought I changed my mind! I again declined but told her that her offer for pizza seemed so sincere I wanted to share something with her. I invited her to come to church. My next question was. "Are you Haitian?" and her response.... "Yes". I knew it! I knew there was something to it. She looked so sad and so forlorn. I bet if if someone tried to rob her she would have just handed over her bag without a care. Like she had nothing left any way. I could see it in her eyes and her demeanor. She was spent. We talked for a while and exchanged stories of those we had lost or were still hoping to hear from. She was not as lucky as I was. She had not heard from anyone yet and the majority of her family is still in Haiti. We met as two moms in Chuck-E-Cheese but we parted as sisters and friends. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and a firm hug. She is one in many struggling to make sense of it all. Alone with just her child in this country; while her family is living...or dying amidst the scenes of a nightmare. All over one slice of pizza. I'm so glad that I decided to turn back.
I thought about my father's younger brother who died. Vil-Franche. I thought, will he be buried in a mass grave? Someone loved these people once. Someone loved my uncle. What will become of him and so many others? If you know me well, you know I often spend many a night wrestling with my thoughts. By design, I absorb the emotions of others. The joy of others,and the despair of others. The pain of others becomes my pain. Sometimes to a fault. I dont know know where to draw the line. I dont know HOW to draw the line really. I know for certain this ordeal, this monster of a crisis is forcing me to find new purpose, create new goals, dust off some old dreams and desires and set a new course. It's funny because when the year begain just 14 days ago...I felt so dull. So blah. Now I am awakened. My fingers and toes are tingling. I feel stronger and sharper. "With my God I can scale a wall".
Understand however, when all is said and done, no matter how many have been found we (the Haitian people) will ALL most certainly have suffered some type of loss. This is just the law of statistics. Basic math. It is a tough reality.
Tonight,like many, we decided to turn off the tv and get out with our children. We made it to Chuck-E-Cheese. We wandered around behind our kids like most parents. I witnessed some kids having melt downs and "falling out" and crossed paths with a pretty young woman and her daughter. Our 1 year old "fell out" right at her feet. I apologized and we both smiled about it and parted ways. The next time I saw her and her daughter she was sitting in a booth with a large pizza pie. Half pepperoni and half cheese. I noticed because, sincerely, it was a lot of pizza for just two people. I ended up in front of her table while she ate and she looked up and me and asked. "Would you like some pizza?" Embarrassed and surprised I said no. Was she asking me cuz I looked like I wanted her pizza? Was I staring at her pizza without knowing? She offered just as we had finished putting on our jackets and were starting out the door. If you've been to Chuck-E-Cheese you know that on your way out there is a security check point of sorts. Well, we had already walked through that point and were heading out the main door when I decided I had to go back and see what that pizza offer was all about. I turned back with my 3 year old and went back into the play area. We walked back to her table. When we arrived. She offered me pizza again! I guess she must have thought I changed my mind! I again declined but told her that her offer for pizza seemed so sincere I wanted to share something with her. I invited her to come to church. My next question was. "Are you Haitian?" and her response.... "Yes". I knew it! I knew there was something to it. She looked so sad and so forlorn. I bet if if someone tried to rob her she would have just handed over her bag without a care. Like she had nothing left any way. I could see it in her eyes and her demeanor. She was spent. We talked for a while and exchanged stories of those we had lost or were still hoping to hear from. She was not as lucky as I was. She had not heard from anyone yet and the majority of her family is still in Haiti. We met as two moms in Chuck-E-Cheese but we parted as sisters and friends. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and a firm hug. She is one in many struggling to make sense of it all. Alone with just her child in this country; while her family is living...or dying amidst the scenes of a nightmare. All over one slice of pizza. I'm so glad that I decided to turn back.
I thought about my father's younger brother who died. Vil-Franche. I thought, will he be buried in a mass grave? Someone loved these people once. Someone loved my uncle. What will become of him and so many others? If you know me well, you know I often spend many a night wrestling with my thoughts. By design, I absorb the emotions of others. The joy of others,and the despair of others. The pain of others becomes my pain. Sometimes to a fault. I dont know know where to draw the line. I dont know HOW to draw the line really. I know for certain this ordeal, this monster of a crisis is forcing me to find new purpose, create new goals, dust off some old dreams and desires and set a new course. It's funny because when the year begain just 14 days ago...I felt so dull. So blah. Now I am awakened. My fingers and toes are tingling. I feel stronger and sharper. "With my God I can scale a wall".
Understand however, when all is said and done, no matter how many have been found we (the Haitian people) will ALL most certainly have suffered some type of loss. This is just the law of statistics. Basic math. It is a tough reality.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Will you help us find help?
I apologize for reaching out to you this way. I am contacting you because I know you all know someone in an influential position. You yourself may be that person. As you are all aware we just experienced a huge catastrophe in Haiti. The birth place of both my parents and siblings. We are desperate to help the devastated country and we dont want to reinvent the wheel.
Please. I have two request:
1. Do you know of a trustworthy organization that is collecting goods and will deliver them to Haiti? We (a group of about 1,000)would like to join them and send our donations along with them.
2.Will you give me names and contact information of anyone I can get in touch with to get a step closer to helping our country? I will take all precautions to protect this information and not use it for any reason other than obtaining information to assist Haiti.
ColinPowell outlined briefly that the best thing now is monetary donations. We may need to follow his advice if we cannot find a way to bring goods into Haiti.
Priority #1 - Search and Rescue/Stabilize medical situation
Priority #2 - Shelter, Food and Water
I speak fluent Creole and french and would gladly accompany the goods at my own expense if we had the means to get the donations there.
Thank you,
Katty Depeine Velez
Please. I have two request:
1. Do you know of a trustworthy organization that is collecting goods and will deliver them to Haiti? We (a group of about 1,000)would like to join them and send our donations along with them.
2.Will you give me names and contact information of anyone I can get in touch with to get a step closer to helping our country? I will take all precautions to protect this information and not use it for any reason other than obtaining information to assist Haiti.
ColinPowell outlined briefly that the best thing now is monetary donations. We may need to follow his advice if we cannot find a way to bring goods into Haiti.
Priority #1 - Search and Rescue/Stabilize medical situation
Priority #2 - Shelter, Food and Water
I speak fluent Creole and french and would gladly accompany the goods at my own expense if we had the means to get the donations there.
Thank you,
Katty Depeine Velez
Listening for the Whisper
1Kings19:11-12
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
So are you overdosing on CNN,MSNBC,Facebook,Twitter,Yahoo like I am? Are you completely consumed with the developments of this earthquake and the search and rescue efforts of the Haitian people? I feel like a mother with a child in intensive care. I don't want to leave her side for fear I may miss something. But you know what? I find that I am most anxious and fearful as I sit and watch. Its tough because you want to be informed and stay connected. If you are anything like me, you then realize you are just sitting and doing nothing. Just watching. Nothing you can do to help because you can't. At leat not in these delicate days, hours and minutes. This is what I wrestle with now. The helplessness of this situation. I want to be in the rubble, pulling away rocks. I have a rock smasher, a pick ax and 2 shovels. I want to help someone save thier child! I want to give out water and food and encourage people to stay hopeful and not despair. Today I and many others are going without food and praying. Its called fasting. This is my petition to God. Of course, I will surely turn the radio and tv and internet accounts back on and watch but I find that the quiet moments are the most empowering. I can pray, meditate and listen for God's whisper to me, telling me that it will be better. It has to be. I dont think the world can ignore the cries of my people any longer.
2Corinthians 4:8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
So are you overdosing on CNN,MSNBC,Facebook,Twitter,Yahoo like I am? Are you completely consumed with the developments of this earthquake and the search and rescue efforts of the Haitian people? I feel like a mother with a child in intensive care. I don't want to leave her side for fear I may miss something. But you know what? I find that I am most anxious and fearful as I sit and watch. Its tough because you want to be informed and stay connected. If you are anything like me, you then realize you are just sitting and doing nothing. Just watching. Nothing you can do to help because you can't. At leat not in these delicate days, hours and minutes. This is what I wrestle with now. The helplessness of this situation. I want to be in the rubble, pulling away rocks. I have a rock smasher, a pick ax and 2 shovels. I want to help someone save thier child! I want to give out water and food and encourage people to stay hopeful and not despair. Today I and many others are going without food and praying. Its called fasting. This is my petition to God. Of course, I will surely turn the radio and tv and internet accounts back on and watch but I find that the quiet moments are the most empowering. I can pray, meditate and listen for God's whisper to me, telling me that it will be better. It has to be. I dont think the world can ignore the cries of my people any longer.
2Corinthians 4:8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
My girls will never know the Haiti I knew...and I will never know the Haiti my mother knew....
My eyes have been welling up all day. I've sometimes coughed out a weep out of nowhere it seems. Then it dawns on me that I am going though all the feelings and emotions of mourning. I feel like someone I knew personally has died. I am wearing all black today. My hair is pulled back. I'm not wearing any makeup. Like a good Haitian in mourning should! I wasn't told to. I woke up and instinctively did it. I realize that I am also having those moments that only come after you have lost something precious. 1.The realizations of what you no longer have. 2.What life will mean to you now that "its" gone. and 3. How will you cope without that thing or person? How will you fill the void? When I got engaged...I realized my mother would not witness her baby girl get married. When I got married I realized she would not see any of my children born and so on and so forth. When I started to earn a decent living, I coulndn't wisk her away on a cruise or buy her nice things. She was gone. Haiti is like that for me and so many others. It IS our mother land. We dont have to fly all the way to Africa and walk amongst strangers to find our connection with the universe. We have our ancestry right here in our back yard. Over 200years of History as a FREE NATION. When I heard of the destruction of all of our landmarks,the Royal Palace, Sacre Coeur Church, Hotel Christopher, Petionville, Chans Mas, la ville and so many others, I realized that a part of me had also been destroyed. I had longed for a day to "show off" my country to my husband and my children. Of course, there was never a good time to go. Its too dangerous! You'll get kidnapped! You'll get sick! Then our first daughter was born...she's too little to go. Then we had our second daughter... she's to young to go. For the "good time" we continued to wait. Now...There is no waiting. We are on hold indefinitely. My cousin and his wife were saving money to one day return to Haiti for good. Who can return now?
What my mother saw, I longed to see...What I saw, my daughters will long to see...but maybe what my daughters see, will be what we have always been waiting for. I pray that we see a New Haiti in our lifetime or in our children's lifetime. May God watch over Haiti.
What my mother saw, I longed to see...What I saw, my daughters will long to see...but maybe what my daughters see, will be what we have always been waiting for. I pray that we see a New Haiti in our lifetime or in our children's lifetime. May God watch over Haiti.
I am Haitian
I left and went straight to the mall with my gift card burning a hole through my pocket. I knew exactly what I was going to buy...My first pair of skinny jeans at age 37! Better 'get in while you fit in, right'?? I also went to a lil kiddie birthday party and went back for seconds on a wonderful meal. I ate, I drank, I laughed. Nightfall...I went home with my husband and my children. I put on thier pajamas and put them to sleep in thier warm, clean beds. I took a shower and spent some time with my husband before we went to bed. Just before turning out the lights, I decided to check my emails. It was at this moment, I learned about the devastating earthquake that hit Haiti. This was the second time in my life where I was hit with that moment. The moment where I realize that nothing I did that day made a dam difference at all.
The first time I had that realization was the day my mother died. That day I went to class, hung out with friends and stayed out late....By the time I got home her soul had already been demanded from her and she had already breathed her last breath. It is in the aftermath of tragedy like an earthquake of unmatched proportions or the untimely death of someone you love to pieces that you ask yourself...What the hell am I doing? My Haitian mother...who 14 years ago cried at site of Haiti after having been estranged from it for several years. What would she do if she were alive today? While my Haitian brothers and sisters were losing thier lives, not knowing what hit them...I was in a dressing room in Macy's trying on jeans. While my people were getting cut down at the knees by yet anther devastation...I was throwing away food because i was full.
So as I sit at my desk and my co-workers pass me by. I feel the need to let them know....Hey...I'm Haitian. Hey...I'm really hurting right now...Hey...I still have family that I am hoping is ALIVE today. Do you care? Oh, what's that?...we have a conference call? You need me to follow up on this issue?
I remember a day, while still in college that I called my mother and she asked if I had eaten...I told her that I had arrived at the dining hall too late and had missed dinner. I didn't have money to buy anything and I would probably have cereal. She said...How can I eat if I know you have not eaten?... I feel that way today. I woke up healthy, unharmed, warm and fed while these ppl, our brothers, are suffering. They are injured. They will be sick. They will die. Today nothing else matters.
The first time I had that realization was the day my mother died. That day I went to class, hung out with friends and stayed out late....By the time I got home her soul had already been demanded from her and she had already breathed her last breath. It is in the aftermath of tragedy like an earthquake of unmatched proportions or the untimely death of someone you love to pieces that you ask yourself...What the hell am I doing? My Haitian mother...who 14 years ago cried at site of Haiti after having been estranged from it for several years. What would she do if she were alive today? While my Haitian brothers and sisters were losing thier lives, not knowing what hit them...I was in a dressing room in Macy's trying on jeans. While my people were getting cut down at the knees by yet anther devastation...I was throwing away food because i was full.
So as I sit at my desk and my co-workers pass me by. I feel the need to let them know....Hey...I'm Haitian. Hey...I'm really hurting right now...Hey...I still have family that I am hoping is ALIVE today. Do you care? Oh, what's that?...we have a conference call? You need me to follow up on this issue?
I remember a day, while still in college that I called my mother and she asked if I had eaten...I told her that I had arrived at the dining hall too late and had missed dinner. I didn't have money to buy anything and I would probably have cereal. She said...How can I eat if I know you have not eaten?... I feel that way today. I woke up healthy, unharmed, warm and fed while these ppl, our brothers, are suffering. They are injured. They will be sick. They will die. Today nothing else matters.
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