While in Haiti, I cried a total of 3 times. The first time occurred while wrapping up our first day of serving the displaced earthquake victims. It seemed out of nowhere a man appeared with an 18month old baby boy. About the same age and size as my daughter. The child was in distress. He couldn't breathe. His eyes were rolling into the back of his head. Right away our only physician on duty went into action. She said don't let him fall asleep! Keep him upright! She was patting his back and asking that we find a suction bulb for his nose. We searched frantically but could did not have any. He was in bad shape. You could hear the congestion in his nose and chest. His eyes still rolling. Then she yelled. He's seizing! He began vomiting. All I could think of was God...Please don’t let this baby die. One of the young men extended his hand and just did what he knew to do. He began to pray. I put my arm around him, then another joined the hold and another...They prayed. My mind froze. All I could do is cry at the sight of this child near death and at the sound of their prayers. The doctor said all he needed was a nebulizer and oxygen. We were under a hot tarp on the side of a mountain. We had no life saving instruments. We could only offer a ride to the hospital. A group of Spaniard doctors picked up where we left off. He was somewhat stable at the hand off. Though we all wondered and prayed, we never learned the outcome of this child's ordeal.
The second time I cried was when I said goodbye to some of my orphaned friends.Christina, a 3 year old. Sony, an 8 year old wise guy. Carlo, a hip teen. Maroul, a wide eyed, sweet soul,8 and her sister Sarah 10. I learned firsthand from Maroul that their mother nor father was dead. They were abandoned. Woodnor and Jonas. I wanted to take them all home with me. As I hugged them a lump filled my chest. I choked down the cry and tried desperately to hide my tears.
The third time was while I was administering over the counter meds and vitamins to a group of people. A woman on my line was explaining her ailment to me. I always spoke of the earthquake experience in terms of "we". I told her what you are suffering from seems to be stress related. Many of us are having trouble sleeping since the earthquake. I can give you these pills but what you need to do is try to rest, pray and think of other things. She began to cry. I cried with her and held her in my arms. I felt in that moment, what will all these pills do for her? For anyone on this line? These sandwiches? What will they do to make a real difference for these people? When we broke our embrace. She wiped her face and with dignity and complete composure she said. If you can give me the pills for my headaches and the vitamins that will be fine. I gave her the bags and she went on her way. Why was I crying? Yes, it hurt to feel powerless. To feel that there was no significant change I could offer these people right away. Wishing I was richer, wiser, more influential. When I left that baby boy, those orphans, that woman and the countless other moments, no matter how bad or gruesome, the fact was I had a roundtrip ticket in my pocket. I had an easy life back in the USA. I owned a home, 2 cars,had a job, food, water and shelter. My daughters will each be sleeping in their own beds in their own room. I will end the day scraping the food from their plates into the garbage. Who am I to cry when none of these people are crying? They are not feeling sorry for themselves. They are boiling water in pots with salt and spices to make rice outside on an open fire. They are carrying buckets of water to a semi-private area and bathing themselves, getting dressed everyday and living. They are doing what they can to survive. Why am I crying? The time for crying is over. The shock of the earthquake is turning into many a Haitians' reality. Now there is much to do. There are real sacrifices to make and real lives that need changing. They can't say, next stop,or click their heals or up and up and away. This is their reality. I know many are feeling the call. The tug at the heart and mind that says, I can do more. I can do something.
Showing posts with label earthquake. Show all posts
Showing posts with label earthquake. Show all posts
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Trip to the Moon
Have you ever been to the moon? Have you ever wondered what it would be like on the moon? I actually have sat and pondered that thought. I have watched sci-fi movie after movie and placed myself in the center of the action. What would it be like?
Going to Haiti for the first time in fifteen years, for the first time after the earthquake was like going to the moon. A place where nothing exist. Time stands still and the days are long.
It started with a non-stop flight to Santo Domingo . When we arrive we are not clear if we need to meet a contact person at the airport or make our way to the Caribe Tours bus company. We take a moment to clear our minds, take breath and then I decide to exercise my Spanish to inquire about the cost of a taxi to Caribe Tours. Not convinced by the price OR the driver I return inside the airport. I see a clean cut gentleman standing in near my party with a giant green army duffle and a clear bag which contents clearly appeared to be a tent. I walked up to him confidently thinking that maybe he was a part of the group we were meeting and asked if he was a part of our group. He said no. I asked him what group he was a part of. He said none and that he was there alone. Alone and on his way to Haiti. Would you like a ride? I went to the girls and introduced them to him. We talked for a while about why we were all there. He shared that he was meeting a team in Port-au-Prince and that we were welcome to take ride with his friend to the bus stop, about an hour away. I wouldn't dare do this had it been JFK but I didn’t think twice in Santo Domingo. We shared a common bond right off the back and this made us family. His name was Marc Baptiste. Photographer. Google him. Wow.
In the car with Marc Baptiste, his old Haitian friend, and my companions, inside an old beat up Mercedes Benz. We were in the back seat drinking up the exhaust fumes that filled the car and the surrounding air outside. This was nothing compared to what we will smell in Haiti according to the older man. Marc's friend gave us a rundown of how we should "conduct" ourselves in Haiti. The debrief was something out of raiders of the lost ark. He said we should spend the week virtually fasting. That we should not eat ANYTHING in Haiti . The whole country was filled with (in French)"Microbes". Germs. He warned us to only eat and drink when it was absolutely necessary. As I type these words, I am recovering from a nasty stomach virus. Vomiting and Diarrhea. I must have surely forgotten these pearls of wisdom. Now we are flying down the road, noisy wind and motor, we are all yelling to be heard. He continues with the debrief and says that we should wear mask because the smell is so bad. This man, who was born in Haiti, had not been back in over 30 years. His hair was permed slick and wavy. He played merengue in the car and barely spoke Creole anymore. Living in Santo Domingo he was only 150 miles from his birth country. Seemed he didn't care much to remember.
We finally make it to the bus after a crazy ride through the busy morning commute of Santo Domingo. We board the bus and are on our way. I'm killing my camera with videos of the beautiful mountains and lakes, people talking. We soon cross the border and the landscape immediately changes. It’s like crossing over into an alter existence. The mountains are brown not green. The roads are eroded and unpaved. Dust swirls around the air. It was as if no oxygen was flowing through my country. Like a human body completely depleted of all nutrients,food,water with no love,no sun and no air. Deserted. Desolate. Alone. The land itself was just sad.
As we entered in our big shiny yellow bus. We begin to see the first glimpses of the city. The crushed buildings that my aunt described as being put through a grinder. In my mind I had to wonder if a dump truck hadn't just backed up and dropped these rocks or if this were really a house once upon a time?
On our way to our final destination, I would have never imagined the wonderful and amazing people I would meet while in Haiti. I saw first hand that the world was responding to the cry of my people. There was young man,Brad,a 16 year old, who traveled alone to join our group in Haiti. There was Jackie a 40 something year old woman who came alone with her 16 year old daughter. There was Daywee and Joshua a dating couple from Vancouver.They were only 18 and 20 years old. There was Tex,Andrew and Krista,mid twenties from Ohio. Bogdan a medical resident from the Netherlands and others. I was floored by their compassion for Haiti. There were Haitians who dared not make the trip but here they were sacrificing their money,vacation time, comfort and health to offer help and a loving hand. Sitting on that bus I had to pinch myself mentally and say. I am here. I made it. I am in Haiti . I AM REALLY HERE.
Going to Haiti for the first time in fifteen years, for the first time after the earthquake was like going to the moon. A place where nothing exist. Time stands still and the days are long.
It started with a non-stop flight to Santo Domingo . When we arrive we are not clear if we need to meet a contact person at the airport or make our way to the Caribe Tours bus company. We take a moment to clear our minds, take breath and then I decide to exercise my Spanish to inquire about the cost of a taxi to Caribe Tours. Not convinced by the price OR the driver I return inside the airport. I see a clean cut gentleman standing in near my party with a giant green army duffle and a clear bag which contents clearly appeared to be a tent. I walked up to him confidently thinking that maybe he was a part of the group we were meeting and asked if he was a part of our group. He said no. I asked him what group he was a part of. He said none and that he was there alone. Alone and on his way to Haiti. Would you like a ride? I went to the girls and introduced them to him. We talked for a while about why we were all there. He shared that he was meeting a team in Port-au-Prince and that we were welcome to take ride with his friend to the bus stop, about an hour away. I wouldn't dare do this had it been JFK but I didn’t think twice in Santo Domingo. We shared a common bond right off the back and this made us family. His name was Marc Baptiste. Photographer. Google him. Wow.
In the car with Marc Baptiste, his old Haitian friend, and my companions, inside an old beat up Mercedes Benz. We were in the back seat drinking up the exhaust fumes that filled the car and the surrounding air outside. This was nothing compared to what we will smell in Haiti according to the older man. Marc's friend gave us a rundown of how we should "conduct" ourselves in Haiti. The debrief was something out of raiders of the lost ark. He said we should spend the week virtually fasting. That we should not eat ANYTHING in Haiti . The whole country was filled with (in French)"Microbes". Germs. He warned us to only eat and drink when it was absolutely necessary. As I type these words, I am recovering from a nasty stomach virus. Vomiting and Diarrhea. I must have surely forgotten these pearls of wisdom. Now we are flying down the road, noisy wind and motor, we are all yelling to be heard. He continues with the debrief and says that we should wear mask because the smell is so bad. This man, who was born in Haiti, had not been back in over 30 years. His hair was permed slick and wavy. He played merengue in the car and barely spoke Creole anymore. Living in Santo Domingo he was only 150 miles from his birth country. Seemed he didn't care much to remember.
We finally make it to the bus after a crazy ride through the busy morning commute of Santo Domingo. We board the bus and are on our way. I'm killing my camera with videos of the beautiful mountains and lakes, people talking. We soon cross the border and the landscape immediately changes. It’s like crossing over into an alter existence. The mountains are brown not green. The roads are eroded and unpaved. Dust swirls around the air. It was as if no oxygen was flowing through my country. Like a human body completely depleted of all nutrients,food,water with no love,no sun and no air. Deserted. Desolate. Alone. The land itself was just sad.
As we entered in our big shiny yellow bus. We begin to see the first glimpses of the city. The crushed buildings that my aunt described as being put through a grinder. In my mind I had to wonder if a dump truck hadn't just backed up and dropped these rocks or if this were really a house once upon a time?
On our way to our final destination, I would have never imagined the wonderful and amazing people I would meet while in Haiti. I saw first hand that the world was responding to the cry of my people. There was young man,Brad,a 16 year old, who traveled alone to join our group in Haiti. There was Jackie a 40 something year old woman who came alone with her 16 year old daughter. There was Daywee and Joshua a dating couple from Vancouver.They were only 18 and 20 years old. There was Tex,Andrew and Krista,mid twenties from Ohio. Bogdan a medical resident from the Netherlands and others. I was floored by their compassion for Haiti. There were Haitians who dared not make the trip but here they were sacrificing their money,vacation time, comfort and health to offer help and a loving hand. Sitting on that bus I had to pinch myself mentally and say. I am here. I made it. I am in Haiti . I AM REALLY HERE.
Die laughing...but die waiting?
I have spent the past few days in "silence". Silent with my thoughts. Guarding the matters in my heart. Waiting. I realize that every waking moment was spent thinking about when I would leave for Haiti. When would I have the chance to witness for myself what had been done to Haiti? Waiting, waiting. Checking and waiting. Chatting and talking but waiting. Then I get the email on Friday morning.
"If I get the funds and the contacts I will leave on Sunday.....so if I call you let me know if you can come"
My reply, of course I can come
I had nothing burning on my heart. It is in those moments that my heart is full that I need to speak. I am here now. Ready to share. I haven’t watched much news. I haven’t listened to much of the radio. I am waiting. Waiting for word on this trip. I don’t believe that God would lead me this far and not go to Haiti.
My sister came to my house on Saturday with money and a tent. She and her husband dropped everything to come and see me. If you are from Haiti, you know you can't announce your trip to everyone or else you will be laden with items to pack in your bag. Once upon a time you could bring a larger than life suitcase to Haiti. Any time I would spot one I would say, that is a Haiti Suitcase! It was long and tall usually fake brown leather and you could bring like two or three of these on the plane. They were always full of cooking oil, rice, and sometimes frozen meat, shoes, clothes, soaps. You name it. When someone heard you were going to Haiti...Watch out because soon after came the "Can you bring this to my mother?", "Can you bring this envelope to my cousin?" Can you bring this bag to my Father?". I think it was because of us that the Airport started asking...did you receive anything from someone you didn’t know.
First my sister with the money and the tent, then my brother with more money then my father with more money then my cousin with more money! I feared a bit for my safety but I couldn’t refuse the request. Sunday I went to church and said goodbye to some people. I told them I was on standby. I was right? Someone is going to call me and tell me that I am going to Haiti right? Right??? Monday I go to work. Nothing. Tuesday I got to work. Nothing. Wednesday I got to work and then to church again that night. NOTHING! People are now feeling bad for me. "I thought you left already" they would say. I put on my strong face, stretched tight and straight smile and raised eyebrows....""I'm on standby", I would tell them. What that meant I didn’t know, but it was better than trying to explain that the organization we were going with was not getting back to us and that we really weren’t sure if we were going at all. Thursday...I woke up...bags still packed. I went to work again. I chatted and emailed again. I even told people that the trip was postponed. All my friends were like maybe its not meant to be. I agreed. It wasn’t happening smoothly. It wasn’t falling into place anymore. I posted a note on my facebook to the effect that I was moving on and I was resolved. The messages and comments poured in about the prayers and how maybe it wasn’t God's will....yes, yes, yes...I know. I was resolved in my heart however. If it wasn’t meant to be, why force it and end up dead or injured. I stayed at work a little late, went to pick up my daughters from my in-laws house. Hung out there for a while. Took my time and made it home. I was going to a wake that night and possibly going to be singing a song for the late father of a dear friend. When I got home I took a shower. Googled the address for the funeral home and had about two hours to get showered and get there by 6pm. I get showered and wrap a towel around my body. Then...the phone rings. Its my dear friend the doctor. She says "I have good news" I knew at that moment that I was going to Haiti. All I needed was the details. She told me there was a bus leaving for Haiti from Santo Domingo on Friday morning at 9am. My mind did the quick math. We had to leave TONIGHT! Wow. Like this? A week ago, I had a perfect schedule made out for coverage at home. A friend would watch the girls for me, my sister would cook a meal for Eric, my niece would sleep over to watch the girls, and my in-laws would pick them up on Friday. I did laundry and the house was spic and span. A week ago. It was later that week now and I cancelled my niece because I was sure I wasn’t going. I let the house go a bit and my friend was working early the next morning. Instead, my husband had to take the next day off, there was a snow storm coming, I had to drive an hour and a half to JFK airport instead of Newark, I had to pay 2x's as much for my ticket and I just got my period!!! All of this just hours before I was leaving for earthquake torn, no water, hot as the equator, Haiti. nooooooooooooooo! This is not how I planned it.
Time and time again I have seen that this is the way God prefers to work. Had I gone when everything was all perfect and planned perhaps I would not been as in tune with how he worked out every detail. How in those moments everything came together.
I had just few hours to get ready. It was 5pm and I would be leaving in 4 hours to get to JFK airport. Still wrapped in my towel, I sat down and booked our flights. I paid with the credit card of a team member I had never met. I sent them the itinerary. Called them and said we are leaving on the 1255am flight. TONIGHT. With that I started to get myself ready. I told my husband that I needed $200 cash, my antibiotic prescription (to give away) and a box of power bars.
I called a friend to give me a ride to the airport. Check. I called my sisters and brothers to tell them that I was definitely going. Check. I got dressed and debated whether or not to bring sandals. I left them behind. Check. I had to get the girls bathed and ready for bed without crying. Check. I gave the 3 year old a Princess Tiana flashlight to keep her busy and happy. I told her that I was going to Haiti to help the little children and their families. I told her that if she got scared she could turn on her flashlight. She was so happy. She went to be without a fuss. I sent an email to my family with website and some phone numbers and my itinerary. Send. Check. I planned to leave at 930pm. at about 915 I decided that I really should wash my hair before I left. It was filthy and I didn’t want to go with filthy hair. I stood at the sink and washed it while my friend waited. It was just one of those things I HAD to do. With hair slicked back, smelling good, dripping...I was ready to go. I asked my friend to wait outside while my husband and I took a moment to hold each other and pray on the loveseat. I drove to the airport. My hands were shaking a bit. I was hungry and didn’t get to eat anything until I got to the airport. I paid $10 for a flimsy salad. I thought...It may be my last good meal till I get back so may as well. They finally begin boarding and I realize that I forgot to call my job and tell them that I am leaving for Haiti!!!...With bags in hand, on line waiting to hand over my boarding pass...At midnight, I call my boss's cell phone and leave him a message of by the way....I'm leaving for Haiti RIGHT NOW and I wont be back until next Thursday. (He knew I was leaving just not at that moment!). I board the plane and we are OFF...I'm going to Haiti...we are OFF...I'm going to Haiti...
"If I get the funds and the contacts I will leave on Sunday.....so if I call you let me know if you can come"
My reply, of course I can come
I had nothing burning on my heart. It is in those moments that my heart is full that I need to speak. I am here now. Ready to share. I haven’t watched much news. I haven’t listened to much of the radio. I am waiting. Waiting for word on this trip. I don’t believe that God would lead me this far and not go to Haiti.
My sister came to my house on Saturday with money and a tent. She and her husband dropped everything to come and see me. If you are from Haiti, you know you can't announce your trip to everyone or else you will be laden with items to pack in your bag. Once upon a time you could bring a larger than life suitcase to Haiti. Any time I would spot one I would say, that is a Haiti Suitcase! It was long and tall usually fake brown leather and you could bring like two or three of these on the plane. They were always full of cooking oil, rice, and sometimes frozen meat, shoes, clothes, soaps. You name it. When someone heard you were going to Haiti...Watch out because soon after came the "Can you bring this to my mother?", "Can you bring this envelope to my cousin?" Can you bring this bag to my Father?". I think it was because of us that the Airport started asking...did you receive anything from someone you didn’t know.
First my sister with the money and the tent, then my brother with more money then my father with more money then my cousin with more money! I feared a bit for my safety but I couldn’t refuse the request. Sunday I went to church and said goodbye to some people. I told them I was on standby. I was right? Someone is going to call me and tell me that I am going to Haiti right? Right??? Monday I go to work. Nothing. Tuesday I got to work. Nothing. Wednesday I got to work and then to church again that night. NOTHING! People are now feeling bad for me. "I thought you left already" they would say. I put on my strong face, stretched tight and straight smile and raised eyebrows....""I'm on standby", I would tell them. What that meant I didn’t know, but it was better than trying to explain that the organization we were going with was not getting back to us and that we really weren’t sure if we were going at all. Thursday...I woke up...bags still packed. I went to work again. I chatted and emailed again. I even told people that the trip was postponed. All my friends were like maybe its not meant to be. I agreed. It wasn’t happening smoothly. It wasn’t falling into place anymore. I posted a note on my facebook to the effect that I was moving on and I was resolved. The messages and comments poured in about the prayers and how maybe it wasn’t God's will....yes, yes, yes...I know. I was resolved in my heart however. If it wasn’t meant to be, why force it and end up dead or injured. I stayed at work a little late, went to pick up my daughters from my in-laws house. Hung out there for a while. Took my time and made it home. I was going to a wake that night and possibly going to be singing a song for the late father of a dear friend. When I got home I took a shower. Googled the address for the funeral home and had about two hours to get showered and get there by 6pm. I get showered and wrap a towel around my body. Then...the phone rings. Its my dear friend the doctor. She says "I have good news" I knew at that moment that I was going to Haiti. All I needed was the details. She told me there was a bus leaving for Haiti from Santo Domingo on Friday morning at 9am. My mind did the quick math. We had to leave TONIGHT! Wow. Like this? A week ago, I had a perfect schedule made out for coverage at home. A friend would watch the girls for me, my sister would cook a meal for Eric, my niece would sleep over to watch the girls, and my in-laws would pick them up on Friday. I did laundry and the house was spic and span. A week ago. It was later that week now and I cancelled my niece because I was sure I wasn’t going. I let the house go a bit and my friend was working early the next morning. Instead, my husband had to take the next day off, there was a snow storm coming, I had to drive an hour and a half to JFK airport instead of Newark, I had to pay 2x's as much for my ticket and I just got my period!!! All of this just hours before I was leaving for earthquake torn, no water, hot as the equator, Haiti. nooooooooooooooo! This is not how I planned it.
Time and time again I have seen that this is the way God prefers to work. Had I gone when everything was all perfect and planned perhaps I would not been as in tune with how he worked out every detail. How in those moments everything came together.
I had just few hours to get ready. It was 5pm and I would be leaving in 4 hours to get to JFK airport. Still wrapped in my towel, I sat down and booked our flights. I paid with the credit card of a team member I had never met. I sent them the itinerary. Called them and said we are leaving on the 1255am flight. TONIGHT. With that I started to get myself ready. I told my husband that I needed $200 cash, my antibiotic prescription (to give away) and a box of power bars.
I called a friend to give me a ride to the airport. Check. I called my sisters and brothers to tell them that I was definitely going. Check. I got dressed and debated whether or not to bring sandals. I left them behind. Check. I had to get the girls bathed and ready for bed without crying. Check. I gave the 3 year old a Princess Tiana flashlight to keep her busy and happy. I told her that I was going to Haiti to help the little children and their families. I told her that if she got scared she could turn on her flashlight. She was so happy. She went to be without a fuss. I sent an email to my family with website and some phone numbers and my itinerary. Send. Check. I planned to leave at 930pm. at about 915 I decided that I really should wash my hair before I left. It was filthy and I didn’t want to go with filthy hair. I stood at the sink and washed it while my friend waited. It was just one of those things I HAD to do. With hair slicked back, smelling good, dripping...I was ready to go. I asked my friend to wait outside while my husband and I took a moment to hold each other and pray on the loveseat. I drove to the airport. My hands were shaking a bit. I was hungry and didn’t get to eat anything until I got to the airport. I paid $10 for a flimsy salad. I thought...It may be my last good meal till I get back so may as well. They finally begin boarding and I realize that I forgot to call my job and tell them that I am leaving for Haiti!!!...With bags in hand, on line waiting to hand over my boarding pass...At midnight, I call my boss's cell phone and leave him a message of by the way....I'm leaving for Haiti RIGHT NOW and I wont be back until next Thursday. (He knew I was leaving just not at that moment!). I board the plane and we are OFF...I'm going to Haiti...we are OFF...I'm going to Haiti...
Saturday, January 23, 2010
For such a time as this...
On Friday,I started the day as I always do; trying to get another ounce of sleep. Lately it’s been hard to get up out of bed. I took the baby from her crib after she woke up. Instead of getting the day going I brought her back to my bed so that we could sleep together for even just a few more minutes. When she got too fidgety to keep in bed; I get up and log into my computer to see what is going on in Haiti and find out if anyone has gotten back to me about anything. While I'm checking, I'm making a lasagna. It's time I cook a decent meal. It has been a while of tuna fish sandwiches and frankly I can’t remember what for the past couple of days. I take some time to make some phone calls, to clean,to take a shower. I come back to check my emails and there it is.
Subject line: Trip to Haiti
From: My dear friend, a Haitian physician
I didn’t have to open it to know what it was about. But I did read it and the email said.
"I was just contacted about an upcoming volunteer trip to Haiti for medical relief. The first flight leaves tomorrow 1/23/2010 and the next will leave in about 1-2 weeks. Please let me know if you would be interested in going as a
Physician, nurse or translator. I need to provide your name, contact number, your role and how long you can stay ASAP. If you are interested in going please visit your physician for travel vaccines(Hep. B, Hep. A, Typhoid, Malaria, Meningitis, Tetanus, flu, H1N1). You will also need a recent passport."
It only took a second for me to hit REPLY with my Name, Phone numbers, email and a short message that said nothing more than "Passport Valid until 2015". Then I just stood there. I sent it off and stood there. It's important to me that you know that I am not reckless woman. I have been known to walk away from many a sale to give myself time to evaluate spending the money or not. Many hear the excitement and enthusiasm in my voice and I can see them getting nervous. They often don't see what takes place behind the scenes. Please understand; I DO NOTHING without weighing, not just the pro's and con's, but everything in between. Ask my husband. It can be very draining. I and my husband have been praying about this moment together since we learned about the earthquake. What we were waiting for was not the IF but the HOW. We both knew that my heart was to go. There was never any question. What we didn’t know was WHO I was going with and HOW I was going to get there. Almost as soon as I pressed send my husband had gotten up from a nap he was taking. (He works over night as a truck driver for a major wholesale warehouse.) I couldn’t speak with him right away. I just took him by the hand and sat him down. I was bursting at the seams. I sat him down and I told him that I had been contacted about a trip to Haiti and that I wanted to go. Right then and there, I had his full blessing to go. Any hesitation, a boo, and I would not have the strength or courage to go. His love and his support mean so much to me. They are a reminder of how big God is. How powerful God is. In this time of extreme uncertainty the fact that he feels comfortable with me going to help my people. I am truly blessed.
In the same day, as if that were not enough, I reached out to some friends to say why don’t we "put our heads together" and see what we can come up with. I have some resources sitting in my inbox that maybe we can turn into something. A group of influential Haitians were already getting together for a meeting and now I was invited to give my input and offer my ideas. Is this really happening? I felt like I had made it to home base. I felt that in that moment I was where I was supposed to be. Doing what I should be doing.
Last year, I partook in an exercise where I filled out a worksheet to determine what my goals were. A mission statement, if you will. At first, I thought the exercise was futile and a waste of time. I couldn’t sit still long enough to do anything with it. I finally finished with help and encouragement from many friends. The common thread we found was that my joy and strengths were bringing people together. As the heartbreaking details of Haiti continue to unfold, my thoughts go right away to the book of Esther 4:14,
"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews (Haitians) will arise from another place... And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
Such a time as THIS...I couldn’t escape the idea that God was calling me to use what he has given me to make a difference. It fit and made sense.
Words cannot express what seeing the Hope for Haiti telethon on EVERY MAJOR television station meant to me tonight...If any were still in the dark about the gravity of the situation in Haiti, they are no more.
I spent the rest of the day refreshing my inbox to see what came of my REPLY. I checked and checked until I saw the email. It was the same subject and from the same person. This time, it was not an inquiry. It was statement. A statement to those in charge saying: My team will consist of Translator Katty Velez and blah blah blah after that. I don’t remember. I had to go back and read it again and again. What I do remember is that almost immediately, my whole body reacted to the news. I started to tremble and I started to shake. I would be lying if I said I werent afraid and a bit nervous. When I saw the telethon on every station, I sat and wiped streams of tears from my face. I thought, the world gets it. It was an affirmation and thumbs up to me that I wasn’t crazy or foolish or reckless.
In a week or two I WILL be on my way to Haiti. I don’t say this in a bragging way. It’s in a remarkable way. Like I won't believe it until I am there. I will most likely cry all the way there, the whole time there and all the way back and I will more than likely want to go back there once I return. My focus alongside translating is to encourage those I come in contact with and offer a reminder TO HOPE.
I pray to God and I thank JESUS Christ if I get to go. Please pray for the details leading up to and during this trip. Pray for us to be successful in saving some and for the safe return of me and my team.
Subject line: Trip to Haiti
From: My dear friend, a Haitian physician
I didn’t have to open it to know what it was about. But I did read it and the email said.
"I was just contacted about an upcoming volunteer trip to Haiti for medical relief. The first flight leaves tomorrow 1/23/2010 and the next will leave in about 1-2 weeks. Please let me know if you would be interested in going as a
Physician, nurse or translator. I need to provide your name, contact number, your role and how long you can stay ASAP. If you are interested in going please visit your physician for travel vaccines(Hep. B, Hep. A, Typhoid, Malaria, Meningitis, Tetanus, flu, H1N1). You will also need a recent passport."
It only took a second for me to hit REPLY with my Name, Phone numbers, email and a short message that said nothing more than "Passport Valid until 2015". Then I just stood there. I sent it off and stood there. It's important to me that you know that I am not reckless woman. I have been known to walk away from many a sale to give myself time to evaluate spending the money or not. Many hear the excitement and enthusiasm in my voice and I can see them getting nervous. They often don't see what takes place behind the scenes. Please understand; I DO NOTHING without weighing, not just the pro's and con's, but everything in between. Ask my husband. It can be very draining. I and my husband have been praying about this moment together since we learned about the earthquake. What we were waiting for was not the IF but the HOW. We both knew that my heart was to go. There was never any question. What we didn’t know was WHO I was going with and HOW I was going to get there. Almost as soon as I pressed send my husband had gotten up from a nap he was taking. (He works over night as a truck driver for a major wholesale warehouse.) I couldn’t speak with him right away. I just took him by the hand and sat him down. I was bursting at the seams. I sat him down and I told him that I had been contacted about a trip to Haiti and that I wanted to go. Right then and there, I had his full blessing to go. Any hesitation, a boo, and I would not have the strength or courage to go. His love and his support mean so much to me. They are a reminder of how big God is. How powerful God is. In this time of extreme uncertainty the fact that he feels comfortable with me going to help my people. I am truly blessed.
In the same day, as if that were not enough, I reached out to some friends to say why don’t we "put our heads together" and see what we can come up with. I have some resources sitting in my inbox that maybe we can turn into something. A group of influential Haitians were already getting together for a meeting and now I was invited to give my input and offer my ideas. Is this really happening? I felt like I had made it to home base. I felt that in that moment I was where I was supposed to be. Doing what I should be doing.
Last year, I partook in an exercise where I filled out a worksheet to determine what my goals were. A mission statement, if you will. At first, I thought the exercise was futile and a waste of time. I couldn’t sit still long enough to do anything with it. I finally finished with help and encouragement from many friends. The common thread we found was that my joy and strengths were bringing people together. As the heartbreaking details of Haiti continue to unfold, my thoughts go right away to the book of Esther 4:14,
"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews (Haitians) will arise from another place... And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
Such a time as THIS...I couldn’t escape the idea that God was calling me to use what he has given me to make a difference. It fit and made sense.
Words cannot express what seeing the Hope for Haiti telethon on EVERY MAJOR television station meant to me tonight...If any were still in the dark about the gravity of the situation in Haiti, they are no more.
I spent the rest of the day refreshing my inbox to see what came of my REPLY. I checked and checked until I saw the email. It was the same subject and from the same person. This time, it was not an inquiry. It was statement. A statement to those in charge saying: My team will consist of Translator Katty Velez and blah blah blah after that. I don’t remember. I had to go back and read it again and again. What I do remember is that almost immediately, my whole body reacted to the news. I started to tremble and I started to shake. I would be lying if I said I werent afraid and a bit nervous. When I saw the telethon on every station, I sat and wiped streams of tears from my face. I thought, the world gets it. It was an affirmation and thumbs up to me that I wasn’t crazy or foolish or reckless.
In a week or two I WILL be on my way to Haiti. I don’t say this in a bragging way. It’s in a remarkable way. Like I won't believe it until I am there. I will most likely cry all the way there, the whole time there and all the way back and I will more than likely want to go back there once I return. My focus alongside translating is to encourage those I come in contact with and offer a reminder TO HOPE.
I pray to God and I thank JESUS Christ if I get to go. Please pray for the details leading up to and during this trip. Pray for us to be successful in saving some and for the safe return of me and my team.
Monday, January 18, 2010
God's clarity or my insanity?
I've been looking at my children a lot lately. I walk around in a fog. Contemplating. As someone put it...I am physically here in America but my heart and spirit are in Haiti. It is physically difficult to exist knowing that a part of me is not doing well. The bible says it the best...when one part suffers, all the other parts suffer with it. I know for some, we are dying inside. We are grief stricken, some depressed, others helpless, we are weak yet trying to be strong and faithful..looking for the silver lining and a time to catch our breath.
I look at my children. I am looking them over with different eyes. What are my children wearing? Why do they have so many clothes? They have more clothes than me. What are they saying? What are they talking about? What are they interested in? Are they too self centered? Do they watch too much television? Will they be compassionate people when they grow up? What matters in their little world right now? AND THEN I ask myself. Well, who needs me more? The people in Haiti or my own flesh and blood. I ask myself, at what price am I willing to go and help? I have heard stories..maybe fables?...tall tales I pray...of the earthquake...of volunteers being shot at and some killed. As I'm shaking my head in disbelief, my sadness and empathy turn to anger and disgust. Biting the hand that feeds you? Come on! But couldn’t this be me? Couldn’t I go into Haiti with my heart gushing, desperate to help and to encourage and end up medi-vac'd out or worse...dead?
I last went to Haiti more than 10 years ago. Even then, my friends and new acquaintances could tell that I was "not from around there". They would ask me where I was from and take turns guessing. They would say Guadeloupe? Martinique? Why you ask...because of my accent, the way I dressed, the way my skin looked and the texture of my hair, my feet, even the heels of my feet and the whites of my eyes! My whole demeanor, posture, all of it was a dead giveaway. They did not recognize me or accept me as one of their own. Another young university student in Haiti once asked why I came to Haiti. I told him that I came with my church as an intern. What he said in response to that I will never forget. He said, " You are Stooopeeed, You left der U-niiiiigh states to come to dees gabeeege Kontwee?" (you are stupid, you left the united states to come to this garbage country?!). I didn’t feel bad that he said that to me or the fact that I was there at all. I wondered though...do other Haitians feel this way? I know many are wondering why is Haiti the way that it is? Are we wasting money and resources on this "garbage country"? Some are like yes lets help but whoa, whoa, whoa...many years of help? That's not our problem.
So, here I am, mother of two toddlers 3 and 1. I am faced with a true dilemma. What IF I go to Haiti? I have friends who see how badly I want to go and they say, I am praying that you get to go. I have friends who are saying, I hope you get to go, Katty. And when I actually hear that people GET me and know how hot this desire burns on my heart...I AM AFRAID.
I look at my children with all of this in my heart. I say to myself, they have the world at their feet. They are beautiful, they are intelligent, they will have every opportunity available to them. The world will deny them nothing. What about the children in Haiti? What about the mothers in Haiti? What about the sons and the fathers who do love their country, who are proud to be Haitians, who are proud of the victory they had when they fought and WON for their freedom. It didn’t hit me till recently that the Haitian people have been FREE from slavery for the last 206 years (Jan 1,1804). 61 years (Dec 18,1865) longer than blacks in the America. This means an entire generation of Haitians were free before the first black slaves were free in America. It was because of the Haitian revolution that any talk of freedom could be had. It was because of Haiti and help from the Haitians that other nations fought for their freedom and won. I don’t know enough of my Caribbean/Haitian history to expound but I will be doing some homework and we can have a book report. The dates are solid though and the facts amazing.
In 1994, I was interviewed by a young couple to go on a mission team to Haiti. I was asked all types of questions about my background and my desire to go. My response to all the questions was this...If it is God's will for me to go, who am I to stand in his way? I never said yes to anything directly. When I left the interview and thought about the possibility of me NOT going, I called some friends. I knew they had direct influence on the results, and I made sure they knew that I wanted to go.Not going was not an option. The interviewers called me shortly thereafter and said they were surprised because they really couldn't read me. They wanted me on the team but weren’t going to invite me.Thank God I spoke up. I have that same sick feeling in my heart. I want to go. I need to go.
So why am I contemplating all this? If I "get to go", I may quite possibly be saying goodbye to my family and friend for the last time. Saying goodbye to my husband and children forever. If I return, I return to my country as foreigner,a guest,a traveler. Am I willing to die for my people? Why shouldn’t I be? Is it insane to want to? Should I leave that up to someone else? Another nation? If I and others won't...then who will...who should? This is a real question. Who decided when the Haitians would get their independence? Was it a plan or were they met with insurmountable odds and opportunity? I know there are individuals living the answer daily. I don’t yet have an answer.
I look at my children. I am looking them over with different eyes. What are my children wearing? Why do they have so many clothes? They have more clothes than me. What are they saying? What are they talking about? What are they interested in? Are they too self centered? Do they watch too much television? Will they be compassionate people when they grow up? What matters in their little world right now? AND THEN I ask myself. Well, who needs me more? The people in Haiti or my own flesh and blood. I ask myself, at what price am I willing to go and help? I have heard stories..maybe fables?...tall tales I pray...of the earthquake...of volunteers being shot at and some killed. As I'm shaking my head in disbelief, my sadness and empathy turn to anger and disgust. Biting the hand that feeds you? Come on! But couldn’t this be me? Couldn’t I go into Haiti with my heart gushing, desperate to help and to encourage and end up medi-vac'd out or worse...dead?
I last went to Haiti more than 10 years ago. Even then, my friends and new acquaintances could tell that I was "not from around there". They would ask me where I was from and take turns guessing. They would say Guadeloupe? Martinique? Why you ask...because of my accent, the way I dressed, the way my skin looked and the texture of my hair, my feet, even the heels of my feet and the whites of my eyes! My whole demeanor, posture, all of it was a dead giveaway. They did not recognize me or accept me as one of their own. Another young university student in Haiti once asked why I came to Haiti. I told him that I came with my church as an intern. What he said in response to that I will never forget. He said, " You are Stooopeeed, You left der U-niiiiigh states to come to dees gabeeege Kontwee?" (you are stupid, you left the united states to come to this garbage country?!). I didn’t feel bad that he said that to me or the fact that I was there at all. I wondered though...do other Haitians feel this way? I know many are wondering why is Haiti the way that it is? Are we wasting money and resources on this "garbage country"? Some are like yes lets help but whoa, whoa, whoa...many years of help? That's not our problem.
So, here I am, mother of two toddlers 3 and 1. I am faced with a true dilemma. What IF I go to Haiti? I have friends who see how badly I want to go and they say, I am praying that you get to go. I have friends who are saying, I hope you get to go, Katty. And when I actually hear that people GET me and know how hot this desire burns on my heart...I AM AFRAID.
I look at my children with all of this in my heart. I say to myself, they have the world at their feet. They are beautiful, they are intelligent, they will have every opportunity available to them. The world will deny them nothing. What about the children in Haiti? What about the mothers in Haiti? What about the sons and the fathers who do love their country, who are proud to be Haitians, who are proud of the victory they had when they fought and WON for their freedom. It didn’t hit me till recently that the Haitian people have been FREE from slavery for the last 206 years (Jan 1,1804). 61 years (Dec 18,1865) longer than blacks in the America. This means an entire generation of Haitians were free before the first black slaves were free in America. It was because of the Haitian revolution that any talk of freedom could be had. It was because of Haiti and help from the Haitians that other nations fought for their freedom and won. I don’t know enough of my Caribbean/Haitian history to expound but I will be doing some homework and we can have a book report. The dates are solid though and the facts amazing.
In 1994, I was interviewed by a young couple to go on a mission team to Haiti. I was asked all types of questions about my background and my desire to go. My response to all the questions was this...If it is God's will for me to go, who am I to stand in his way? I never said yes to anything directly. When I left the interview and thought about the possibility of me NOT going, I called some friends. I knew they had direct influence on the results, and I made sure they knew that I wanted to go.Not going was not an option. The interviewers called me shortly thereafter and said they were surprised because they really couldn't read me. They wanted me on the team but weren’t going to invite me.Thank God I spoke up. I have that same sick feeling in my heart. I want to go. I need to go.
So why am I contemplating all this? If I "get to go", I may quite possibly be saying goodbye to my family and friend for the last time. Saying goodbye to my husband and children forever. If I return, I return to my country as foreigner,a guest,a traveler. Am I willing to die for my people? Why shouldn’t I be? Is it insane to want to? Should I leave that up to someone else? Another nation? If I and others won't...then who will...who should? This is a real question. Who decided when the Haitians would get their independence? Was it a plan or were they met with insurmountable odds and opportunity? I know there are individuals living the answer daily. I don’t yet have an answer.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Listening for the Whisper
1Kings19:11-12
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
So are you overdosing on CNN,MSNBC,Facebook,Twitter,Yahoo like I am? Are you completely consumed with the developments of this earthquake and the search and rescue efforts of the Haitian people? I feel like a mother with a child in intensive care. I don't want to leave her side for fear I may miss something. But you know what? I find that I am most anxious and fearful as I sit and watch. Its tough because you want to be informed and stay connected. If you are anything like me, you then realize you are just sitting and doing nothing. Just watching. Nothing you can do to help because you can't. At leat not in these delicate days, hours and minutes. This is what I wrestle with now. The helplessness of this situation. I want to be in the rubble, pulling away rocks. I have a rock smasher, a pick ax and 2 shovels. I want to help someone save thier child! I want to give out water and food and encourage people to stay hopeful and not despair. Today I and many others are going without food and praying. Its called fasting. This is my petition to God. Of course, I will surely turn the radio and tv and internet accounts back on and watch but I find that the quiet moments are the most empowering. I can pray, meditate and listen for God's whisper to me, telling me that it will be better. It has to be. I dont think the world can ignore the cries of my people any longer.
2Corinthians 4:8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
So are you overdosing on CNN,MSNBC,Facebook,Twitter,Yahoo like I am? Are you completely consumed with the developments of this earthquake and the search and rescue efforts of the Haitian people? I feel like a mother with a child in intensive care. I don't want to leave her side for fear I may miss something. But you know what? I find that I am most anxious and fearful as I sit and watch. Its tough because you want to be informed and stay connected. If you are anything like me, you then realize you are just sitting and doing nothing. Just watching. Nothing you can do to help because you can't. At leat not in these delicate days, hours and minutes. This is what I wrestle with now. The helplessness of this situation. I want to be in the rubble, pulling away rocks. I have a rock smasher, a pick ax and 2 shovels. I want to help someone save thier child! I want to give out water and food and encourage people to stay hopeful and not despair. Today I and many others are going without food and praying. Its called fasting. This is my petition to God. Of course, I will surely turn the radio and tv and internet accounts back on and watch but I find that the quiet moments are the most empowering. I can pray, meditate and listen for God's whisper to me, telling me that it will be better. It has to be. I dont think the world can ignore the cries of my people any longer.
2Corinthians 4:8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I am Haitian
I left and went straight to the mall with my gift card burning a hole through my pocket. I knew exactly what I was going to buy...My first pair of skinny jeans at age 37! Better 'get in while you fit in, right'?? I also went to a lil kiddie birthday party and went back for seconds on a wonderful meal. I ate, I drank, I laughed. Nightfall...I went home with my husband and my children. I put on thier pajamas and put them to sleep in thier warm, clean beds. I took a shower and spent some time with my husband before we went to bed. Just before turning out the lights, I decided to check my emails. It was at this moment, I learned about the devastating earthquake that hit Haiti. This was the second time in my life where I was hit with that moment. The moment where I realize that nothing I did that day made a dam difference at all.
The first time I had that realization was the day my mother died. That day I went to class, hung out with friends and stayed out late....By the time I got home her soul had already been demanded from her and she had already breathed her last breath. It is in the aftermath of tragedy like an earthquake of unmatched proportions or the untimely death of someone you love to pieces that you ask yourself...What the hell am I doing? My Haitian mother...who 14 years ago cried at site of Haiti after having been estranged from it for several years. What would she do if she were alive today? While my Haitian brothers and sisters were losing thier lives, not knowing what hit them...I was in a dressing room in Macy's trying on jeans. While my people were getting cut down at the knees by yet anther devastation...I was throwing away food because i was full.
So as I sit at my desk and my co-workers pass me by. I feel the need to let them know....Hey...I'm Haitian. Hey...I'm really hurting right now...Hey...I still have family that I am hoping is ALIVE today. Do you care? Oh, what's that?...we have a conference call? You need me to follow up on this issue?
I remember a day, while still in college that I called my mother and she asked if I had eaten...I told her that I had arrived at the dining hall too late and had missed dinner. I didn't have money to buy anything and I would probably have cereal. She said...How can I eat if I know you have not eaten?... I feel that way today. I woke up healthy, unharmed, warm and fed while these ppl, our brothers, are suffering. They are injured. They will be sick. They will die. Today nothing else matters.
The first time I had that realization was the day my mother died. That day I went to class, hung out with friends and stayed out late....By the time I got home her soul had already been demanded from her and she had already breathed her last breath. It is in the aftermath of tragedy like an earthquake of unmatched proportions or the untimely death of someone you love to pieces that you ask yourself...What the hell am I doing? My Haitian mother...who 14 years ago cried at site of Haiti after having been estranged from it for several years. What would she do if she were alive today? While my Haitian brothers and sisters were losing thier lives, not knowing what hit them...I was in a dressing room in Macy's trying on jeans. While my people were getting cut down at the knees by yet anther devastation...I was throwing away food because i was full.
So as I sit at my desk and my co-workers pass me by. I feel the need to let them know....Hey...I'm Haitian. Hey...I'm really hurting right now...Hey...I still have family that I am hoping is ALIVE today. Do you care? Oh, what's that?...we have a conference call? You need me to follow up on this issue?
I remember a day, while still in college that I called my mother and she asked if I had eaten...I told her that I had arrived at the dining hall too late and had missed dinner. I didn't have money to buy anything and I would probably have cereal. She said...How can I eat if I know you have not eaten?... I feel that way today. I woke up healthy, unharmed, warm and fed while these ppl, our brothers, are suffering. They are injured. They will be sick. They will die. Today nothing else matters.
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